My apologies for the long bouts between my entries. I’ve been a little tired lately but after today I feel recharged.
A week or so ago I visited my Women’s Studies professor out on her farm! It was such a great time and space to get away and be out in nature.
I’m grateful for the fact that I’ve kept ties with my professors from college, and have moved from being a student into more of a friend. Keeping and maintaining connections are very important to me.
Transition-wise my peach fuzz is turning terminal! The hair on my face is darker and more coarse. I’m so excited for what the next month will bring. I have a feeling that I am going to have a beautiful beard someday. It doesn’t look like much, but it is more than what any one else thought I could grow.
Fitness-wise I’ve gotten stronger! It just takes patience. I started doing more cardio and that’s been helping a lot in my cut phase. I’m still waiting for that six-pack to reveal itself. Someday.
I’ve gotten better at saving money now. I have savings goals that I hope to reach. My first is to save $500, then $700, then $1000. My biggest goal is to save up to $5,000 because I feel that’s a good safety net to keep as a just-in-case. I’m so grateful for my full-time job. It is stressful but I’ve surprised myself that I am able to cope. To be honest, I love working full time. It makes me appreciate my days-off more. I’m also super excited that I actually have insurance. I am so lucky. So. So. Lucky. I’m going to keep doing my best to ensure I maintain this job and health stability.
I am studying to take the motorcycle permit test. I do have a daydream to ride a motorcycle. My plan is to gain the permit, take the beginners course, and then the intermediate course to learn all that I can and get a handle on a bike. Then through out the next year save up for my first bike as a happy turning 30 present. I’m looking at some pretty nice below 700cc 1970s-1980s Honda’s as a good starter bike before I move on to something bigger like a Victory or a Triumph bike. Do I really want a motorcycle or just an excuse to wear leather all the time? Well, maybe a little bit of both. For real though I have always wanted a motorcycle. I watched Easy Rider recently and man, I am all about it!
I know in a previous post I stated that I wasn’t going to cut my hair until January. It was looking kind of straggly and so I figured a trim would be okay.
I have naturally wavy/curly hair and little by little I’ve been embracing it. I feel so exposed when I let it be ‘natural’ I suppose. I’ve received nothing but compliments on it. The hair stylist wanted to know what my secrets were for hair care, like what shampoo I use and all that. She said that I had barely any split ends. To be honest that made me feel really good. It felt good that my efforts in taking care of myself are noticeable. It also feels good that it inspires and empowers those around me to follow suit in taking care of themselves.
My self-esteem and self-respect has risen exponentially. A couple nights ago I had this thought, “I have self-respect now. I don’t have time for bullshit.” It’s so liberating.
Apathy, misanthropy, cynicism, and cold-hearted nihilism is tired. It’s not edgy. It’s lazy. Being an asshole is easy because it requires no effort–just a shitty attitude.
Caring requires effort and courage to be vulnerable.
I am all about radical kindness, genuine earnestness, and authentic sincerity.
You know what else I found to be so empowering? Taking care of myself. Cooking for myself. Cleaning up after myself. Truly loving myself as a human being. I find it sad that there are people out there who feel entitled to someone else doing it for them (this is not referring to the elderly or disabled). I feel so whole when I can rely upon myself. I am secure in that I do not need an ‘other’ beneath me to subjugate. I am no king, I refuse to sit on a throne, I refuse to dominate and control others. I empower myself, I empower those around me. I change myself, I change the world. I challenge oppressors, I challenge my inner demons. For the first time I feel so free. I feel so present. I still have my own challenges and conflicts of course, but I don’t let pride get in my way to ask for help or to help myself. As the eloquent Gloria Anzaldúa has said, “No one is going to save you. What you have to do, do yourself.”
I guess to surmise, I feel like my own man. A free man. I have goals that I’m working towards and I know I will eventually reach them. I’m not afraid to fail, I embrace failure. Failure is an opportunity to another way I haven’t seen before. It’s an opportunity to grow. It’s the storms that are good for the soil. We all know what we can see after a storm. The vibrant colors of a rainbow.
Happy eclipse season, friends!