My apologies for not keeping up with writing weekly! I had a very intense semester wrap-up with very little time to do much else!
I am back home for break, and I’m 2 months on T!
I don’t have much to report regarding any changes except lots of aches and pains in my shoulders. I can only sum that up to the broadening of the shoulders. The pain went away when I started to take a protein supplement and post-work out drink before bed. I managed to wake up with out any more pain after that. Still, the pain is worrisome. I guess it’s just growing pains.
I’ve also grown a bit of a ‘happy’ trail. I put the gel on my stomach here every morning.
Here are my grades this semester. Not the best….as I got one C…hopefully next semester I will do better. This knocked me down a point on my GPA, but I’m optimistic that I’ll get it back up there.
I also saw the new Star Wars film, which I would say was a fun ride and worth seeing in a movie theater. I saw it opening night.
I also decided to play around with Adobe After Effects and make my own Light Saber video.
Jessy’s Lightsaber Training
Since I’ve been home I’ve been trying to do some odd jobs to save up money. My testosterone gel costs about 70 dollars per month.
In a nutshell, I haven’t really experienced any significant or noticeable changes in the last month. I will be seeing my Endocrinologist sometime in the middle of January, and I do believe he will be increasing the dosage. It’s a gradual process.
My therapist that I’ve had for the last year has retired. I’ve been going to counseling/therapy for over 10 years and she was the best therapist I ever had. She was also one of the only therapists qualified in gender/sexuality issues in the whole area of which I live. I hold no hard feelings about it and she has served the community for many decades. I am, however, understandably devastated. It’s so difficult to find a therapist around here to talk to about my complex issues regarding bipolar disorder, trans issues, queer issues, sexuality, etc, that is so compassionate, qualified, and knowledgeable. It’s a huge loss for me and I’m uncertain if I will go try and see someone else. I know I really should, as counseling has helped me so much in my life. I’ll need to grieve for awhile. =(
It makes me wonder what I need to do in order to live my life to reach my potential. I know I need to live in an area that has these important resources, such as mental health services and trans/queer services. I also know I need to live somewhere that isn’t so far behind and so suffocatingly bigoted and ignorant that refuses to learn/accept that people like me have always existed. I can’t always martyr myself to people that demand education from me only to invalidate and dismiss my very existence, voice, and story on a constant daily basis. It’s excruciatingly painful. I’ve championed, advocated, stuck up for, done activism, wrote, gotten published, spoke-up, spoke-out, etc,etc,etc, I’ve done all of that/do that. I’ve been everyone’s educator and right now I need a break. It’s completely okay to want to take this time for myself as I’m going through a radical transitional period in my life.
However, I do not have any support networks or safety nets anymore since my therapist is gone. Except for a few online support groups….I really don’t have much. =/ I try not to think about it. I’m treading water without water wings and no land or ships in sight. Maybe I’m a merman, and I’ll be okay.
Sorry for getting too real there.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a fun winter season.
all the best,