Like I stated before in my previous post, I wanted to touch base so I can keep writing in this blog a bit more consistently.
I started my new job and I kind of enjoy it. I still need to get certifications of various things (cpr/first aid, medication certification, etc) but so far it’s a very well-paying job(14/hr, most I’ve ever made, after certification I will most likely get a raise too) helping people with addiction and mental health issues in a group-home type setting. I’m not like a counselor or anything, just basically the person who ensures everyone’s safety in the home. I’m very laid back for the most part, and the clients respond better to me than most other staff because I treat them with respect and like adults. I’m also closer to their ages too. It also helps that I have an awareness and understanding of mental health issues because of personal experience. I’ve been where they are so I understand. I don’t nag them if they don’t do what they are supposed to do, instead, I prompt them no more than 3 times and on the 3rd time I say that it’s their choice if they don’t do their assigned chore but that means I have to mark it down and there will be consequences later. I’ve only had to do that once to one client. Ever since I’ve not had much of a problem. I filled in a shift for someone tonight and for supper I made salmon, sweet potatoes, and rice. I put together a smokey, sweet, and spicy rub and glaze on the fish, and the clients loved it. There wasn’t any salmon left. Even the clients that dislike fish said it was really good. I felt happy to make a very nutritious meal and it turning out well.
I joined a gym again, this time it’s a different one. The one I was at previously had a change in policy in that I had to pay for a 100$ assessment fee before I could re-enroll. No thanks. This new one I joined is decent, but it certainly has a very different kind of crowd and feel. It’s a little more of an aggressive space. I picked right back up where I was, working out 5 days a week, starting last week. I’m already feeling stronger and my sleep patterns have improved. I’m finally sleeping through the night and feeling rested. Exercise has also helped my mood and my ability to focus more. Looking forward to reaching my goals.
The reason for the title of my post has to do with my acne problem. The oral medication and topical medication I’m on can take up to 2 months to actually start working. Again, I never dealt with this as a teenager, and this was something I was completely not expecting to be this bad. I know Testosterone can cause acne, but so much of what I read said that there is a lot of genetics involved in whether or not it’ll be so bad. Since I’m adopted it’s hard to know, but now I do. Ugh.
First collage this week, 2nd collage last week
It’s all about patience, watching what I eat, managing stress, and hygiene. The thing is, acne is painful. It is so, so painful. It feels like there are dull needles under my skin just poking up but not enough to break the skin. It’s irritating and excruciating. This has caused a bit of dysphoria in me in that this just isn’t me, I never had troublesome skin like this, this isn’t what I look like. I can’t recognize myself anymore because of how swollen, and irritated my face is. But this is my reality right now and so I need to cope with it as best I can. I do feel hopeful that my skin will clear up by spring. I feel as though I’m in this in-between phase of transition. I’m right in the thick middle of it, not quite where I want to be yet. Patience, young Skywalker. I already don’t look my age enough as it is, and so acne makes me look even younger than what I am. Another issue this acne has brought on is that my lymph nodes in my neck have been constantly swollen. They’ve been like this for over a month. I did get a blood test to check it out and it came back normal. I am assuming that my lymph nodes are working on combating the infection. So not only does the acne on my face hurt, my lymphatic system all over my body is inflamed causing pain. Exercise has been helping drain the lymphes as have my epsom salt baths. I just have to remember that this is temporary, it’s part of 2nd puberty, and that it’s not as bad as I think it is. It could be worse.
I’m seriously considering cutting my hair to shorter than chin length, because I think that having my hair out of my face will help speed up healing. My hair can grow back fast. We will see.
I finally made an appointment to the Twin Cities so I can finally get a T levels check and follow-up with what’s been happening in my transition. I’m going after I get paid and plan to spend a couple days in Minneapolis, then a couple days in Moorhead, MN to visit some friends. It’ll be like a nice short vacation.
I also got published again by FTM Magazine: https://ftmmagazine.com/boys-dont-cry-the-importance-of-context-2/
I really enjoy writing and feel pretty good about my written portfolio. I’m considering doing more freelancing. I’ve also been thinking about graduate school again. We will see.
I’ll write again in the next week or two,