The months are really flying by. On the 22nd will be 1 year and 6 months on T already. I’m looking forward to what the next 6 months will bring. I look much different than a year ago, and I think a big reason is because of this acne outbreak. Now that all that active acne has cleared the scars and hyperpigmentation will start to heal. I’m looking forward to having that behind me. I can say with confidence that I’m a hell of a lot happier than I was a year ago, and that I never thought I could ever feel this sense of embodiment or peace. I’d rather deal with acne and putting a needle in my leg once a week than die an early death by suicide. It feels good to truly feel like I’m in the present, rather than dissociated and caught up in ruminations of things beyond my control.
(Acne is clearing up. I feel hopeful that I won’t get the kind of scarring I thought I would. Time and patience is what I need and I trust the medicine I’m taking to do it’s job).
I had a therapy appointment today and it went pretty well. It felt good to be told of how much progress I’ve made since I started going in August. Indeed, my depression and anxiety has become much more manageable. There are many reasons for this. Number 1 is job security. That has made a very big difference. 2 is I’m looking more like myself and that alleviates so much dysphoria. 3 is that I’m exercising at the gym. Being able to tangibly see my goals coming to fruition has been a healthy channel for the anxiety or depression I have. It’s also a mode of self expression and an act of self love by taking care of my body.
The Cut Phase of my fitness routine has been a bit of an adjustment. Before I was like Garfield, eating as much as I could, getting all the calories. Now that I’m cutting, I have to be much more mindful. I’m at a 500 calorie deficit. I decided one way to start shredding fat is by integrating a bit of the cabbage soup diet to my regimen.
I don’t follow the cabbage soup diet strictly. I add a lot of protein via tofu or chicken and sometimes Buckwheat Soba or Udon noodles to the soup. So I have a pretty hearty bowl of low calorie, high fiber, high protein, nutrient dense soup. I’ve also been eating a lot of baked russets and playing around with twice baked potatoes. Yesterday I had a twice baked buffalo chicken potato, and then today for lunch I had a Mediterranean chicken twice baked potato with olives and peppercinis.
Work was really intense last week. I covered some shifts and resulted in working 6 days in a row. I’m very happy to be decompressing this week. I spend my days maintaining my space, reading, going to the library or bookstore, working out, cooking, browsing the web, walking the dogs, going to the park, playing a video game here or there. Nothing very eventful but I’m enjoying the mindfulness of it all and also am finally comfortable with doing things alone. I’m wanting to go camping somewhere next month for memorial day weekend.
So things are in a nice homeostasis right now. I’ll just keep on keeping on.
Until next time,