Work and work-out burn out

Hey everyone,

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I’ve been really enjoying my week off.  I even turned down some extra days of work this week because I needed a break.  Working all those hours last week really pushed me to the limit. As much as I like my job, it can be very stressful at times when there are some very difficult and threatening clients.

I know to remain objective and not take anything personally because of where many of these clients are at.  However, when there is a client that is agitated, 6ft and over 250lbs calling you names and stalking menacingly around the building, punching walls, and yelling, there are steps to take to ensure ones safety as well as that clients safety and the safety of the other clients in the home.  And also to make sure it does not escalate.  Honestly, he really shouldn’t be there and probably should be hospitalized because he’s gotten progressively worse. But anyway, I digress.  I maintained control of the situation, but I felt my instincts tell me not to turn my back to the door or to him and to remain calm. I felt threatened for my safety, however, and it has made work especially draining and very stressful.  I continued to treat the client with respect, and did not react to his attempt to intimidate me, but I remained composed and vigilant, noticing everything.  For the remainder of the week I decided one way to keep myself safe was to dress the part.
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It’s probably laughable, but there’s a reason cat’s hair stand up when they are angry and ready to pounce and defend territory. There’s a reason a Roosters feathers get ruffled.  There’s a reason a King Cobra billows out his majestic back.

There’s reason for when in the animal kingdom some creatures will puff themselves up in some way to either bluff or to say, “Don’t fuck with me.”  I wore my steel-toe Doc Martens, Norse Heavy Metal Shirt, and Camo pants. I know I look ridiculous, but it actually worked.  This client did not mess with me or try to intimidate me any more.  I still treated him the way I had been, but I pushed out the vibe of, “I’m in charge. Don’t fuck with me.”  I work again this weekend, and since my shirts have gotten tighter around my arms, my muscles show more, so hopefully it will be a calm weekend.


My cutting phase is really wroking.  I’ve cut 3lbs of fat so far, and I’m getting stronger. I’m lifting heavier, and my workouts have been very intense and gratifying.  It’s so exciting to be reaching these goals.  However, today, I think I over-did it because I’m spent. I feel very drained. And towards the end of my sets I just wasn’t feeling it. I also haven’t been sleeping well.  These are red flags of over-training. So I’m going to take a week to recover.


Acne is really starting to clear up.  I am really surprised at how much the medicine I’m using is working.


As far as cooking adventures go, I’m experimenting with curing egg yolks!

mix of coarse kosher salt, turbinado sugar, and a smokey herby blend of spices. Looking forward to having these on salads and soups.


 

This is a little TMI and kind of embarrassing.

So, before I started T, I had zero sex drive due to severe depression and dysphoria. That drive just wasn’t there, and it was devastating–that feeling of being alive was gone. No drive for food. No drive for sex.  Since I started T, my drive has come back. In a lot of ways I understand that T does that, but I also know that before my fall into depression I had a healthy sex drive, and so I believe that T has helped me feel at home with myself and alleviating that dysphoric depression.  My sex drive is mine.  Lately, however, it’s become very….in over-drive let’s say.  I  never been one to watch pornography, and for awhile I had not done so in quite a long time. Then I’d watch a little here or there. Now it’s like I watch it every night on top of a couple times during the day.  I masturbate 4-6 times a day. It’s gotten excessive and honestly I’m drained. It’s combined with over-exercise.  It’s like my life force is exhausted.  I have other things I want to be doing. I’ve been playing with the idea of not masturbating or watching porn for a week. I’m conflicted, because on one hand, masturbation is healthy. It relieves stress. But on the other hand it’s gotten to the point of disrupting my life.  I also am concerned of becoming addicted to porn.  I was watching it last night and felt really, really bored with it.  Like getting desensitized.   I don’t see anything wrong with watching porn, but for me personally I don’t like having my desires manipulated, and I don’t like the passivity of watching a fantasy I did not create myself.  If I am able to have the discipline to workout at the gym 5 days a week, I can have the discipline to control my drive.  I can channel this energy into other things and perhaps doing more creative projects.


So that’s it for my weekly update that I can think of.

Until next time,

Ravn Thor

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4 Responses to Work and work-out burn out

  1. *snicker* Welcome to the world of man, where you’re leaned on the heaviest, you can randomly get killed by unhealthy males [rather than just raped or treated like a princess], and you have to constantly control your powerful and often destructive impulses. While I can’t speak for trans, I can say it’s generally best to just give into the urge to masturbate, so long as you don’t pick up deviant tastes: an untended sex drive leads one to enter unhealthy relationships. Try placating the desire consistently for awhile, and it might cool off longterm – even if that means getting bored of it.

    As for dealing with aggressive males, bluster works for most, but can be an alluring challenge to the truly dangerous or arrogant. They can often be diverted with a little politeness mixed with gruff disinterest. But, if they approach, they require subtly displaying a quiet yet maniacal desire for confrontation, leashed anger, and murderous intent, all under a veneer of friendliness. That scares off most. For those whom aren’t, you’re in real trouble. Best to run at this point. But, if you’re feeling especially suicidal and stand your ground.

    They’ll likely test you with a series of subtle body-language movements, towhich you have to respond with precisely restrained rapidity and force – making the movements appear friendly or accidental, while slowly and incrementally increasing and maintaining your proximity to them, and becoming more and more friendly. When they back off, you back off. You’ve essentially just displayed that you’re going to murder them if they fuck with you, and have a plan for getting away with it. Both components are important, as truly dangerous people have those very intentions, and thus need to be matched accordingly. But, again, best to run.

    Oh, and you may find preserved lemons interesting. You essentially take some lemons, cut them up, and pack them in a mixture of salt and herbs. The product is amazing. You’re left with the rinds, which are less acidic, more sweet, and lacking most of the bitterness, while having a nearly gelatinous texture. Could probably add it to anything.

    • Ravn Thor says:

      I’ve talked my way out of situations a couple times before. I really don’t feel any need to prove to dudes who need to pick a fight in order to stroke thier fragile egos. Talking my way out of situations and running are indeed the smartest routes. If it comes to having to stand and fight I can hold my own, but I really avoid situations like this at all costs.
      Politeness does go a long way and can cut the fuse to an escalating situation. One time a guy almost ran into me with his car, but blamed me (although I had right of way) and he actually got out of his fucking car and wanted to duke it out. Mind you, this happened right in front of my house, where he could see where I lived. What I did was apologise. I said, “I am sincerely sorry.” he almost did not know what to make of it bc he did not expect that. It was like I gave him a mental left-hook. Sure enough he left me alone. The whole thing was stupid, but it was a learning experience.
      Curing Lemons sound really good! I’ll give that a try, thanks!

  2. There’s always that. But recall that the burnt hand learns quickest; loose imbeciles do little more than wreak havoc; conveying a lesson to them when possible is ideal. But of course, the legal system won’t tolerate vigilantism, no matter how desperate the average person is for a crippling. Still, letting someone know they may be randomly punished for immorality can have it’s benefits.

    • Ravn Thor says:

      I suppose what I’m saying is that I’m not someone who goes out looking for trouble, but I know how to protect myself if trouble finds me.

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