5/15/2017

Hello,

I may as well just come out and say it. I am Lucifer, the fallen angel and dark lord of the Illuminati.

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Yep. This synchronicity proves it.

Anyway, I thought that was pretty funny getting this rung up today while I was out and about. I don’t see it as a bad omen at all, I see it as perhaps a stroke of good luck. 😉

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Duke 

I’ve been enjoying the hot weather we’ve been getting lately.  I decided to wear my kilt more.  I found that I quite enjoy wearing a kilt. Yeah, I’m a nerd. However, walking Duke down at the park made passers-by, especially women, smile at me.  Well, maybe it was at Duke. But still.  Man in a kilt with a pupper makes for a nice outing!

I’m very close to reaching my 10lb cutting goal!  I’ve lost 7lbs of fat. I’m really happy with the results and progress. I’m lifting heavier than I ever thought before, which is a great indicator that I’ve only been losing fat and no muscle during this cut.

Acne is continuing to heal!

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I’m also getting a bit visible facial hair. It’s staring to get thicker. I’m so excited to see where it will be next month.

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I’ve been going in and out of depression lately. I suppose the upcoming move has been getting to me.  I applied for that job my friend suggested, but that fell through. They said they’d keep me on file for 30 days though.  My next idea is to write a letter of request to transfer. I really hope that works out. If not, there’s always a landscaping job I could fall back on, but that would be a 5$/hr pay cut, and that’s not really livable. I could manage but not very well.

I’ve also been feeling really restless.  I would like to go on a roadtrip by end of summer, camp along the way. I’m not sure where I’d go, maybe explore the Southwest.

Sometimes when I’m in the midst of a mixed episode  or really depressed/stressed, a good cry can release that built up cortisol and alleviate the pain.  The thing is, I’m having difficulty crying., which is pretty common among some transmen.  I still feel feelings, I still get moved by things, but I just can’t cry. Hopefully, this is temporary. I’m not ashamed of tears.  Not having the ability to cry has some serious repercussions, not being able to release that stress and anxiety makes me feel like a bunch of knotted up tornadoes. I really need that release.

Anyway, that’s all for now.  Take it easy.

-Ravn Thor

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4 Responses to 5/15/2017

  1. A roadtrip might be exactly what you need, reset the emotions and get somewhere new for a while. Good look searching for a job, i’m searching too, it’s like searching for a job is a bad full time job in its self!

    • Ravn Thor says:

      That’s for sure! It’s also been very hard finding a job relevant to my film degree. I know I could find a good film job in Minneapolis, but relocation costs usually make it quite difficult too. I may write my request for transfer letter today then email it tomorrow. I just feel bad that they(My current job) spent all this time training and certifying me that I’m all ‘welp, gtg!” so I’m hoping that my request for transfer will work out, as I do enjoy this job and it pays better than any other job I’ve had. I am still under the poverty line though, which makes it rough in and of it self. Things will fall into place, I’m hopeful!

  2. I’m wishing you luck for your jobhunting!
    Hopefully you’ll be able to cry again soon, meanwhile you need something that helps release those emotions though

  3. Ravn Thor says:

    Thanks! In the meantime I’ve been exercising as usual but have added some nature walks. It helps calm things down a bit, but it’s not quite the relief I need. Maybe I should binge on some sad movies this weekend.

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