I’m listening to a song off Jagged Little Pill in a coffee shop called Moxie Java. It’s walking distance from my apartment.
This week I worked 7:45a-4pm shifts to be trained in. I got thrown to the lions on the second day so to speak—I say that affectionately. =)
There were times I was in the office alone having to handle things (even while I’m still a trainee) but I am picking up on the job very easily—and I think that’s because of my previous job. I really get along with my co-workers, and Collin (my supervisor) said that all the other staff have told him that they really like me. That felt good. Starting today I’ll be doing the hours that I’ll be doing dominantly from now on, 3-11pm shifts.
I had anticipated that this job would not only be physically and emotionally demanding, but I hadn’t really thought about in what ways it would be emotionally taxing. My co-worker, Nick, said that compassion fatigue is real and it’s important to maintain good boundaries. It’s a homeless shelter, so I will be witnessing and handling various different people in many rough and difficult situations. There are going to be times where the shelter will be full and we have to turn people away. Yesterday, towards the end of my shift, I answered the phone, and since our shelter is full I had to turn him away. Understandably the guy was upset and he went and piled on the guilt trips, taking it out on me. I was a little rattled after that to be honest because I wasn’t prepared for this sort of situation. According to my roommate this will be something I’ll be dealing with on a regular basis during the 3-11 shifts. I have to remember to not take anything personally, and there is only so much I can do. So much of everything else is out of my hands. But as an advocate, we have to bare the brunt of the emotional labor. I keep in mind that I can’t pour from an empty cup, and so it’s important I take care of myself too.
On my day off I did go and check out the Viking Festival for a little bit.
I was feeling a little depressed that day so I didn’t hang around much. Sometimes it (depression) comes out of nowhere, or is just the build-up of many stresses. I’m glad I went out of my comfort zone and checked it out, even if for an hour.
I’ve also been going on many nature walks. Every time I go on one I see a critter. It makes it special and memorable.
I finally managed to unpack some books and dvds. I still need another bookcase because I have 3 large boxes of books left.
A pawn shop in town had a liquidation sale, so I decided to start a physical media collection of dvds. I hope to find some more gems around town. I’d like to have a good collection of films.
I’m still sorting through things to donate. I just have this urge to purge so many things lately.
My goji berry plant is one hardy fella! I can’t believe it’s still growing strong, as I hadn’t been the best caretaker. The pot also has an infestation of some sort of grey mini wormy bugs. I buried a clove of garlic to ward some of it off, and come payday I’ll be getting him into a new pot with fresh soil. I’ll be getting paid on Wednesday, and then a paycheck from my last job on the 1st. This present job will be paid bi-weekly.
This is my meditation alter . I got some more sage to smudge with and also some palo santo wood to burn. I make it a nightly bedtime unwinding ritual to draw a tarot card and just meditate. I smudge to clear the space and any negativity or baggage of the day, and it puts me in a mindful mode. It feels good to just clear my mind. The sense of ritual can be therapeutic. It’s better than ruminating on bullshit.
I plan on keeping a synchronicity journal and write more of my spiritual metaphysical exploration reflections in there.
As far as transition updates……my facial hair is still coming in, little by little. Acne has cleared, and I’m still waiting on the hyper-pigmentation to heal.
I still need to get that gym membership, because I miss my routine. I also have next weekend off, and so I will be making the drive back to Bismarck for a visit.
To be honest, I’ve been really isolated lately. I need to make it a goal to be social once a week—go out and visit a friend. I like my solitude but I’m also human and friendships are important to me.
That’s all for now. Take care!